I remember taking the first dip in the Oslo fjord on the first of May.
I remember driving into Oslo on Sunday at sunset.
The city was completely empty.
I remember how tall the trees seemed compared to those in Northern Norway.
I remember thinking, "I'll remember this."
I remember dad sitting in the kitchen, smoking.
Drinking coffee, listening to the radio.
I don't remember Oslo as such. It's people I remember.
We moved to the city.
We felt extremely mature.
I remember hours on trams, busses, the metro,
walking along endless roads to some mythical party,
where you never knew whether you were invited or not.
I remember how free I felt the first time I came to Oslo.
Then I realised how small Oslo is.
I remember mom showing me where she once rented a room.
There's only offices there now.
Every football match I've played
was with friends I still have, and that's because I'm from Oslo.
I remember his laughter.
The scent of salt on her skin.
Everyone was sure we'd win. I remember the disappointment.
I remember the first snow.
Everyone smoked back then.
How he insisted "melancholic" was cooler than "nostalgic".
We had so much time on our hands.
How my bed didn't fit into the flat.
I remember walking past his flat.
I remember having a best friend.
It's a parking lot today.
I never saw him again.
I remember when they tore down the Philips building.
Getting high on food now, Gisle?
Shut up.
And I never had that feeling when I went out before.
But I do now, and I don't know why.
Because I've been doing great here.
But the last month or two,
I've really started to worry.
Because... Well, I'm scared shitless.
Scared of the future?
It's like I'm right back to when I started doing drugs.
As if I'm back in primary school emotionally.
That black...
Void, or...
It's like it's back.
And the relief
from shooting up is gone.
So I have serious doubts about how I'm going to live now.
How to live with it.
Thanks.
The past days I haven't had any...
I haven't had strong feelings in any direction.
I feel tired, but that's because I haven't slept well.
You've got a big job interview today.
Yeah.
Would you like to talk about it?
Well, there's not much to talk about.
This is for the return trip.
Remember to tell them to enter via Losbyveien.
Taxis from Oslo always have trouble finding us out here.
I'll see you back here later.
Goodbye and good luck.
Hello?
Hi, it's Anders.
Wow. Hi, Anders. Come in.
You see who's here?
Hi.
Remember me?
I was just in the neighbourhood.
Cool. Come in.
Is this a bad time?
No, not at all.
Long time no see.
Want some coffee, Anders?
Yeah, sure.
We have drinking-yoghurt, juice, beer. Want a beer?
No, coffee will be fine.
Thanks.
You're having beer?
He doesn't usually drink for lunch.
I feel really cool.
Maybe you don't drink beer?
I shouldn't drink, but you go ahead.
Have you finished the program?
I've got two more weeks, then I'm done.
You think it's helped?
Well...
Is that a troll?
I guess so.
Why did you draw a troll?
You're looking at Anders?
Because it's so big.
So big, right.
Anders used to be a drug troll.
Have you heard about heroin and speed and so on? Or khat?
You've heard of "cat"?
Yes.
Daddy used to party with Anders sometimes.
But now I have to be here with you and mom, which is really nice.
You want to give him the drawing?
Is it for me?
Thanks a lot.
You're welcome.
She seems to like you.
There's this guy at the home,
some pitiful junky, who had to play Thomas.
What do you mean?
We do role playing, psychodrama.
It's part of the treatment. The other residents play...
people in my life, like my sister or you.
So a dopehead plays me?
"A dopehead."
So how's it done?
Well, you have to improvise.
They stand in a circle, try to tempt me with stuff.
"Anders, remember how the dope makes you feel warm inside."
"You can just smoke it, no need to shoot up."
Well, stuff like that, you know.
And... But the guys who played you, didn't have much to...
Not much to go on?
No relevant experience.
They were supposed to tempt me with academic stuff.
But they had no idea.
"I've got a really awesome book here, a really cool book. Adorno..."
Seems they captured my complexity.
He tempted me with his academia.
I can't believe you fell for it.
Well, it always ends the same way, with the same words:
"I love you, Anders. I forgive you."
Like it's something they all think they need to hear.
But enough of that.
You look well.
You think so?
I didn't get much sleep last night.
I had my first so-called "evening leave".
I met Malin. She's moving to Stockholm.
Malin? Do I know her?
How could you?
Anders pulls so many women you can't keep track.
I don't think you've met.
Here I am, feeling sorry for you.
Looking so tired. But you've just been hustling Swedish chicks.
I don't know.
I wasn't quite there.
Maybe I expected too much.
I felt nothing.
Proust said, "Trying to understand desire by watching a nude woman"
"is like a child taking apart a clock to understand time."
Jeez. He's trying to be personal, and you hit him with a quote!
So if he's personal, I have to be personal too?
But it's been ages since I slept with a Swedish chick.
But his point was the opposite of your Proust quote.
He said he didn't feel any desire.
At least listen to what he's saying
Sure, but... Proust is Proust.
Ring the buzzer and I'll help you with the groceries.
Sorry.
It's crazy.
Excuse me, have you seen Albert's teething ring?
No, I can't remember. I don't know.
Okay.
Bye.
Goodbye.
Oh, shit. Rebecca?
Check the fridge door.
Right. Thanks.
He's getting his teeth.
He needs something cool to soothe his gums.
Welcome to my life.
I saw your parents the other day. In the Frogner Park.
The still seem so much in love, attentive, like a model couple.
They're selling the house, you know.
Selling Fagerborg? Why?
Well, they had to borrow a great deal of money.
I've fucked up so bad financially, you have no idea.
Dad said they planned to sell it anyway.
To travel more after they retired.
They're in Nice now, actually.
So what's the deal? Are you just out for a spell?
I'm meeting my sister later, and...
I've actually got a job interview.
A job interview? Cool.
Well, I don't know.
It's just temporary. Editorial assistant at Folio.
But that's cool!
No, it's not. I had to apply as part of the program they stuck me in.
No, that's awesome.
Like...
I mean, if you get foothold there, you'll end up as editor in no time.
Hey, cut the crap.
You're much smarter than them.
I'm not.
What about the articles you wrote?
That was six years ago!
And only because I was partying with Knut, not because I could write.
I often worried that something might happen to you.
That someone would call and say, "Anders took an OD."
When Iselin left,
I was almost certain that was it.
"I'll lose Anders."
I guess I distanced myself from you.
Why not go back to Iselin?
I think...
she doesn't want to talk to me.
Don't you think things have changed?
Iselin is strong.
She kept calling me whenever you disappeared.
Asked me to help look for you.
I must admit I gave up after a while.
But Iselin never gave up.
Yeah, but there you have it.
It doesn't mean enough to me.
I looked forward to meeting Malin.
But when I saw her, I'd no idea what I'd made such a fuss about.
Iselin is different. You loved her.
No, I didn't.
Don't be stupid. You were completely lost in her.
That was when I started shooting up.
Like, I got some money today.
My first thought was to use it for heroin.
It just instinctively popped into my mind.
Going back there isn't an option.
It's a reflex. It doesn't mean you'll do it.
But it's not about heroin, not really.
Look at me. I'm 34 years old. I have nothing.
I can't start from scratch. Don't you understand?
I know it's not easy...
I don't want pity.
I know that.
I'm just saying you can still make it.
Make what?
Lots of stuff.
Like?
You've got a family to back you up, friends, brains. Like, come on!
Look at the others at rehab.
They don't have those opportunities.
Sure, but they're happy to work in a warehouse
and have kids with some ex-raver.
Be a loser if that's what you want.
No it's not what I want.
Fuck, I didn't come here to...
I don't need you to tell me to get my act together.
So I'm way out of line?
No you're not. Sorry.
Remember what you once said?
"If someone wants to destroy himself, society should allow him to do so."
Sounds like something I'd say.
I was probably thinking about promoting junk food
or criminalizing prostitution. I don't know. But you're not...
I'm a spoilt brat who fucked up.
If you're unsentimental about it, nobody needs me.
Not really.
You expect me to be unsentimental about this?
No.
I'm just trying to...
I just want you to understand.
If that's how it ends, it's a choice I've made.
But you can't go telling me that.
That's horrible, Anders.
I mean, you mustn't do it, no matter what happens.
I can't relate to you telling me you're planning to commit suicide.
Is that what you're saying?
What do you think it'll do to your parents?
I don't know.
They'd assume it's an OD. Happens all the time.
You've had these thoughts before.
They've always passed.
It's hell while it lasts, but...
Except it won't.
Oh, come on.
Come on what?
You got through it before.
I mean, if you have to look at your life from the outside...
If you have the time, like you had.
I think anyone would get depressed.
Well, maybe.
But it's pretty fucked up. I see happy people.
I've always thought happy people must be morons.
They are morons.
Obviously.
Yeah.
But you two are happy.
And you're not morons, are you?
Sometimes I wonder. It's like, "What are we doing?"
And "happy" would probably be to exaggerate.
But it's okay.
You could get there, if that's what you want.
Well, it's not like I want to live your life.
I mean...
I don't want kids.
They're cute enough, but...
Is that what it takes?
No.
And research is your thing.
I never thought it was that thrilling to scrutinise Rilke,
dissect sentences, write articles nobody reads.
It seems meaningless to me.
Well, there goes my existence.
Is that how you see my life?
Hey...
Sorry. I just... I only meant to say...
You're good at all that.
My head is bursting with trivialities.
I can't sort them out. My back is a mess.
Probably from sitting too much.
And now I'm caught up in renovating the flats where we live.
The other owners just dump everything on me.
I've got two upcoming lectures that I've got to start preparing,
one on Wergeland's tenure as Keeper of the National Archives.
Yeah, it sucks. I can't focus on anything.
Rebekka and I hardly have sex anymore.
Not at all, really.
To top it up, Albert's got some kind of rash,
and I have to find an ointment. It's like... I don't know.
I can't even choose my own company.
People with kids that Julia likes. And that's not many.
So there we sit, pretending to have fun.
Two glasses of wine. That's as good as it gets.
Frigging pathetic.
After Albert came, I hoped to start writing.
But I haven't done shit. Rebekka and I hardly talk anymore.
I got a Playstation. We sit and play Battlefield. Drink beer.
We accept some invitations, then decide we'd rather stay at home.
We tell the babysitter something's come up.
We sit there, playing Battlefield.
And Rebecca is really brutal.
Takes dog tags from other players,
and then executes them to humiliate them properly.
And that's like the best part.
What a life.
Sorry, I had to laugh.
Want to wait for your sister at my place?
I think I'll catch the job interview.
Really?
Why not? It'll probably be a disaster.
But I have to rush. It's at two.
Want me to walk with you?
No, I'll be okay.
Join us for dinner. Calle and Mirjam are having a party.
They'd love to see you.
I don't think so.
Now don't do anything stupid. You'd fuck me up so bad.
Promise?
I promise.
Come to the party. And...
Give my regards to your sister.
Good luck with the job interview.
Bye.
Hi, Iselin. It's Anders.
Well, I know it's late where you are, but...
You probably don't want to talk to me.
I've got a new number.
So if there's anything...
Please call me when you hear this.
It's 98 54 53 76.
Right. It's kind of important, so if you...
I'd really like to talk to you.
Okay. Bye.
Excuse me?
David Molvaer, is he here?
It's about the editorial assistant position.
David!
Do you read our publication?
Yeah.
Well, go on, what do you think?
I like it. Uh...
I think the last couple of issues show great improvement.
I like the new layout.
But to be honest, I think...
you're still a little too...
Your profile is perhaps a bit vague.
In what way?
Well, you resemble the The Window, which makes it hard to set you apart.
Especially when they're better in some areas.
Really? Like what?
You do many things well.
But take the article on Mad Men and The Man without Qualities.
It's not a bad idea as such.
But there are many of these intellectual articles
on HBO TV series and video games.
It feels a bit like a media studies paper.
You know what I mean?
Samantha in Sex in the City seen through Schopenhauer.
People want something a bit lighter to read in between.
But the articles still have to be well written.
In the long term I hope to expand into the English language market.
We'd lose our public grants,
but opening up the English market would allow us to specialise.
That sounds great.
My girlfriend works in New York, so I have some contacts there.
You've written for the Morning Post?
Yeah.
You write well.
You think so?
Thanks.
But when I look at your CV,
there's almost nothing after 2005.
Well, there wasn't anything I thought would be relevant.
Everything's relevant to us.
So what were you doing?
Did some odd jobs from time to time.
Okay. Like what?
You really want to know?
Of course.
I was a drug addict.
Okay. But...
What kind of drug addict?
Just about anything.
Cocaine, ecstasy, alcohol...
Heroin as well.
I was dealing a bit as well. Should I put that on my CV?
But I'm clean now.
I haven't even had a beer in almost ten months.
So I'm completely clean now.
Yeah, that's...
Not many people manage to get through that. So that's...
extraordinary.
Hey, let's just forget it.
Just hand it over.
What do you mean?
My application.
May we keep it? I could...
No, I'll take it.
I don't get it.
Sorry.
It's all right.
I play the piano.
Me too. But I'm not that good.
Okay. So what do you play?
A bit like...
Stuff like "For Elise".
Classical?
And you?
Not classical. It's more...
Improvised jazz. I hate practicing.
There was all this pressure on him.
It was hard. Absolutely.
Many people have a hard time, but what he did...
He went too far.
Too much money, too much...
The kids from her group got kindergarten places.
We'll probably get places too, but with one kid at one centre and...
I know.
He's got a great singing voice.
Not any longer.
Not since he shot himself.
If you're going to shoot yourself, don't use a shotgun!
No, his voice isn't quite the same.
Not since he shot himself.
Blew his head off, like "splat".
I didn't know what to do. Can hardly speak when he's like that.
He said so, just like that?
Yesterday, when we were brushing our teeth, he went...
He didn't say so directly.
He started going on about how he isn't sure how he feels about us.
Or if he wants to be with me. Then he says he wants to.
But that... He starts going like...
That he doesn't know what he feels?
Yeah, or...
About what? You?
About me and...
I want to marry, have kids. Travel the world. Buy a house.
Have romantic holidays. Eat only ice cream for a day.
Live abroad. Reach and maintain my ideal weight.
Write a great novel. Stay in touch with old friends.
I want to plant a tree. Make a delicious dinner from scratch.
Feel completely successful.
Go ice bathing, swim with dolphins.
Have a birthday party, a proper one.
Live to be a hundred.
Stay married until I die.
Send an exciting message in a bottle and get an equally interesting reply.
Overcome all my fears and phobias. Lie watching the clouds all day.
Have an old house full of knickknacks.
Run a full marathon.
Read a book that's so great I'll remember quotes from it all my life.
Paint stunning pictures that show how I really feel.
Cover a wall with paintings and words close to my heart.
Own all the seasons of my favourite shows.
Attract attention to an important issue, make people listen to me.
Go skydiving, skinny-dipping, fly a helicopter.
Have a good job I look forward to every day.
I want a romantic, unique proposal.
Sleep beneath open skies.
Hike on Besseggen, act in a film or play at the National Theatre.
Win a fortune in the lottery.
Make useful everyday items.
And be loved.
Hi, Anders.
Hi. Where's Nina?
Well, she's stuck in a meeting.
Some Foreign Affairs thing. She asked me to come.
Do you want anything? I didn't want to eat.
So she's not coming?
No, I don't think so.
I'll take you there. I've got the keys.
A Pepsi Max and a bruschetta.
One brushetta.
I'm good.
You pronounced it correctly.
Everyone says "brushetta".
They correct you if you pronounce it right.
Didn't know you were back together.
You didn't?
Well, it's been a while now.
Nina wanted to know how the job interview went.
I'd rather tell her myself.
Could you text her, ask if she'll make it?
You know, Nina's...
Nina's a bit worried now that you're back outside.
Okay.
She saw herself sitting here, you not showing up, and...
She just needs time.
You mean she doesn't want to see me?
No, that's not it.
But you've talked about it?
She waited for you all yesterday.
Then suddenly you cancel.
Yes, but I didn't get evening leave. I said so.
Is that my fault?
What's her number again?
What's her number?
Do I have to go there myself?
No, don't. Nina isn't there.
Nina's at home.
She'll probably stay there a few more days.
You'll be out soon, and that's not easy for her.
I hope you understand.
But she's really proud of you.
That you've come through this.
She just needs time.
Here you go.
I just think...
Nina has had too much family to cope with lately.
Your mom has been coming by with stuff all summer.
What sort of stuff?
Most recently that big red painting.
The one above the sofa?
She made Nina take it.
It's your mom's favourite. Why can't she just keep it?
They still have plenty of room.
Nina doesn't care that they're selling the house.
What do you mean?
She's happy if they can help you.
She doesn't need them to give her stuff.
What are you trying to say?
Nothing, just...
Sorry, this is too much.
Excuse me?
I know your parents are fucked-up.
But my issues are my fault.
It's got nothing to do with them.
That came out wrong.
I should be going.
May we have the check?
I'll drive you to Fagersborg.
No, don't bother. I'll walk.
Just give me the keys.
Okay, but Nina would like...
She wants me to go with you.
To escort me to my family home?
Yes.
Oh dear. I'm sorry.
Who came up with that idea?
Don't. I'm the one who...
Relax.
No problem.
But I don't want to...
But I do.
Give my regards to Nina.
He taught me to bike, row, how you can exceed the speed limit by 20%
without getting busted. 60 at 50, 108 at 90.
She spoke of adult matters in English
She taught me to always floss. To put things back where they belong.
They hated reactionaries but waited years before buying a VCR.
They were both from Oslo. Remembered places we passed.
Slightly deaf, he insisted on hearing the absurd:
"What do you think is best?" "Got waffles on your chest?"
They thought intellectual achievement was superior to sports success.
They were sympathetic to celebrities who protected their privacy.
They made me a critical reader, contemptuous of the less eloquent.
But anyone I brought home got a warm welcome.
They never missed the evening news.
He took a test, then proudly told us he had an artistic personality.
He said people who valued military experience were dull.
She held a tolerant view on drugs. He wanted to ban barbecuing in parks.
Democracy was just the best alternative.
She thought Bardot should help people, not animals.
They respected my privacy. Maybe too much.
They taught me religion is a weakness. I don't know if I agree.
They never taught me to cook or build a relationship,
but they seemed happy.
They never told me how friendship dissolves
until you're strangers, friends in name only.
They let me be picky about food.
She said I could do as I wished.
Decide what to be, who to love, where to live.
They would always help me.
They were stricter with my sister than with me.
Thanks.
You look good.
Likewise.
Hi. Happy birthday. You look fabulous.
Hi, Mirjam.
Hi.
Put it in the kitchen?
Yeah, sure.
Hi. Wow. Good to see you.
It's been a long time.
I'm meeting Thomas here.
They haven't come yet.
You're gorgeous.
Just go upstairs and grab a drink. Calle's there.
Weren't you going to Bergen?
Yeah, I was. I've lived there for like four years.
Moved home a couple of months ago.
So you live in Oslo now?
Yeah.
I'm here, but what am I doing?
I think I'm trying to remember what I was supposed to do.
Yeah.
Anders? Anders!
Tell us about the time you slept with Mirjam's dad.
I didn't sleep with him.
It's way back.
Ancient history.
I was at Mirjam's place.
It was late. We were pretty drunk.
I had to use the bathroom.
I must've taken a wrong turn and found myself in a dark room...
But the funny part is that you ended up in bed with her dad.
Yeah, because I just stumbled in and collapsed.
Right beside...
Yeah, then I saw Mirjam's father lying beside me.
Right, but the punchline is...
Anders is lying in bed with her dad.
Just looking at him.
Being the cool cat he is, he goes, "Relax. It's just a dream."
So where was her mother?
Who cares? The story's about Mirjam's father and Anders.
So you and Mirjam were together?
No, no. He was with her dad.
Hey, are you leaving?
Yeah.
We're heading down to Robinet.
Say hello to Anders, ladies.
Seriously, he's the best connected guy in Oslo.
Connected?
Why don't you tag along?
Huh?
Come on.
Maybe later.
Come on, join us.
No, I'm waiting for Thomas.
Okay, catch you later.
Him, or...?
Two. The second season.
Removing the main character is radical.
But it works.
Imagine doing that in a novel.
There you are.
Hi.
Have a seat.
Calle's looking for you.
Let him look.
Are you okay?
Is the celebration taking its toll?
Calle told everyone it's my birthday.
It's actually tomorrow.
I think he's trying to cheer me up.
Birthdays are fun.
It's a bit easier for you guys to reach the thirties.
Look at your pals. None of them have girlfriends their own age.
My flat's full of girls I don't know. 20 years old with perky tits.
Your tits seem pretty perky to me.
It's been ages since you saw them.
I'm an expert.
There's no cause for alarm.
Stop kidding.
I'm just trying to say...
You remember Live?
She was here earlier.
It's not important.
Anyway, she's my age. One of the few friends I still see
who haven't vanished into motherhood.
She takes me aside, asks proudly
for something non-alcoholic to drink.
Everyone's having kids now.
Well, fuck them. It's like...
That's the great thing about you and Calle.
You don't compromise.
Would it be that odd if we had kids?
No, but...
We've been together for nine years.
It's not like a kid would change everything.
I'm sure you'll make great parents.
You think so?
But sometimes these things take time, right?
It's already taken years.
I think there's something wrong with me.
Some defect...
I don't know what, it's just...
Sorry. I'm a bit spaced out.
I've had too much to drink.
Here I'm going about my problems.
No, no.
It's all right.
I should go inside. It's like my party.
Hey...
I haven't really had the chance.
Happy birthday.
I'd better get inside.
Hi, Iselin. It's me again.
I miss you.
I have to get away from Oslo.
I wish I could come and see you.
I know I've said so before. But I'm better now.
You'll see.
I've been thinking. I could study, you could focus on your career.
The last time we met, you said you still loved me.
I don't know if you meant it, but...
If you still feel... If there's a shred left, then...
I don't know, I think we can...
But...
Jeez, long time no see.
Yeah, really.
But... Aren't you clean now?
Yeah.
That's awesome.
You want a quarter?
One gram.
A full gram.
Is that Battlefield?
Yeah, I just got it.
Some goblin comes by, like, "Can I get some extra for this?"
It's ridiculous.
You end up with all this shit.
It's fine when it's stereo's and stuff.
But you don't need fifteen pairs of shoes the wrong size.
That's just fucked up.
800.
Hi!
Hello! Damn good to see you!
I'm basically broke, but...
What would you like?
Gin & tonic.
What do you do?
I'm a student.
At the university?
Yeah, it's the university.
But it's the medical faculty.
Oh dear.
Are you a doctor?
I'm training to be a nutritionist.
What do you do?
What I do?
You think that's interesting?
Of course.
Well, I don't think it matters much.
But what do you do?
You have to tell me.
Why?
I don't do anything. I'm...
I'm just a loser. Drinking to ease the pain.
You mean like every day?
No, but it's true that I...
I'm looking for sympathy. I want someone to feel sorry for me.
Feel sorry for you?
Do I fit the description?
I think you do.
You do?
What did you say?
I saw Rambo 3 the other day.
And it's actually damn good.
Is that the one with Dolph Lundgren?
Do you know him?
He had this thing with my girlfriend once.
Bummer.
Yeah.
They're waiting for us at the club.
What's on? A rave?
Hey? It's okay, really.
Hey? I'm telling you it's all right. It's no big deal.
What do you mean?
The thing with Iselin.
It was hell when it happened, but...
When what happened?
When you slept with her.
So that's what I did?
And you get to go around forgiving people?
What's your problem?
Nothing.
Just say it.
Are you seeing her these days?
No, not a the moment.
Maybe there's a reason?
You don't know shit about that.
You really have no idea.
I don't know you.
But I've seen the consequences of how you treat people close to you.
Jeez, whether I slept with her or not, I mean, does it matter?
No. Right.
I know. I'm fucked. Thanks for the intel.
I don't have to listen to this.
I've got friends far worse off than you.
But they don't act like assholes.
And this isn't about... the fact that you're an addict.
But you won't...
It's okay. Just...
No, no, you'll have a thousand nights like this one.
You won't remember this.
Everything will be forgotten.
Everything?
Everything.
Why's that?
It's sort of a natural...
A law of nature.
A rule?
Yeah.
There's the echo spot.
Yes, a classic Oslo site.
We have to share with the newcomers.
Just stand right here.
Now stomp real hard.
What date is it today?
It's... No, hold on.
It just became August 31st.
They'll drain the water tomorrow.
Then we're in luck.
Okay, are you ready?
Some backflip!
Is it cold?
No, it's fine!
I'm not going in without you.
I got water up my nose!
Come on!
Come.
Hi Iselin. It's me again.
It's late where you are. I thought you might be out or something.
It's nothing really, I just wanted to...
I didn't mean all the things I said earlier.
But by now you probably knew.
I just wanted to talk to you one last time, but... Well...
I hope you're okay.
I'm sorry.